Bitchet

Loosen Up My Buttons...

Bitchet — Sun, 29 Oct 2006 06:23:00 +0000

Don't 'cha hate it when you think you found your soul mate yet admitting that to other people makes them think you're weird? But, all you think about on a daily basis *is* how weird it is that you can look into another persons eyes and see yourself. Maybe that's not a soul mate. Maybe it's my mirror?

Bitchvacation

Bitchet — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:58:00 +0000

I am on a mini vacation this weekend until after Halloween.
TBPITW is here visiting which means I am not chained to my house.
I might be around periodically but if not visit my bloggers in my sidebar. I wouldn't have them on here if I thought they sucked.

Some of my personal fav's are:

Tiny Voices in My Head
It's the weekend. She will surely go out this weekend and have several stories about her escapades on Monday.

Kentucky Girl
Fun, funny, funtastic

Post Secret
A must vist!!!

One Hot Tamale
No that's not her ass... it's mine!

Then there's my Detroit Bitches Grand Theft Autumn ( you know her as August) and raph*star (you know her as Sash)

Or visit me on myspace. I have some wicked cool friends.

Yellow Lines

Bitchet — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 13:19:00 +0000

Dear Mr. Needs To Retake Parking 101 in Driver's Ed,

When you decide to park your big ass Escalade next to my itty bitty minivan I suggest you take note of the yellow lines that you are parking inbetween. Your expensive tires with even more expensive rims should fit even between the two lines. At no time should your wheels be ON the yellow line.

Also, I saw you open your car door and hit the passenger side of my van door. I also saw you look around, smirk and shrug your shoulders assuming no one was watching you. Well, Bastard, I saw it. With my very own eyes, and guess what? I could give a shit that you hit my door, what I am pissed about is how you looked around and shrugged like it was no big deal.

I left you a little present on your door. Well, I didn't. My key did. And next time, don't fuck with my car because karma's a bitch and so is Bitchet!

Best Regards and happy repainting,
Bitchet

The Long Wicked Laugh

Bitchet — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 03:07:00 +0000

It's been a long time since I laughed. I actually know the day when I had my last head splitting laugh. I was sitting at Mongolian barbecue with Sash and August and I laughed. It was a laugh that was expelled in the comfort of friends. A laugh that continued longer than the topic was funny. A laugh that brought tears to my eyes. A laugh that has been suppressed by sadness for several months now. I thought once I moved down here, I wouldn't be able to laugh again. I felt like all my humor with my girl friends was left in Michigan and only there, would I be able to laugh again.

I miss laughing. I miss being in the presence of my friends laughs. I miss laughing with them.. at them...around them. But, today something was funny. And I laughed. For a long time. And it felt good. And none of the people I was with will ever understand why my laugh today lasted longer than it should except for me. But, today I realized that it's ok to be happy here. It's ok to open myself up to someone. And yes, Bitchet, it's ok to laugh!

Product Plug of the Week

Bitchet — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 11:13:00 +0000

GILLETTE FUSION RAZOR

I once read in Jane Magazine that women get a better shave using a razor made for a man. At the time they were testing out different men's razors and the one that topped the list was the Gillette Mach3. I bought it and used it until I discovered the battery powered, manually operated Gillette Fusion! Holy shit! This is the mother effer of all razors. This thing fricken vibrates while you're shaving to give you this smooth, flawless shave that you don't even need lotion on your legs after that's how smooth it is!!!! I'm not kidding you People, this is the Grand Daddy of all razors! I wouldn't steer you wrong and I haven't yet on my Product Plugs!!! Your legs and arm pits and bikini area look like shit until you get this razor!

SuperBitchet

Bitchet — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 21:12:00 +0000

If was able to have super powers I'd want to be able to keep up! You know, keep up with my housework, laundry, organization, folding, yardwork. I'd want to be able to duplicate when water hits me like Gremlins and instead of being evil like the Gremlins, I'd be a mad cleaning freak! Hundreds of little furry Bitchet's frantically cleaning my house. Then, if someone else needed their house cleaned, the little furry Bitchet's would scurry over to their house and clean the house for them.

You know why I am writing about this topic, right? Because my house is trashed. TBPITW is arriving Thursday and then I will finally be able to exhale. Life becomes normal when I can walk into a room and see his familiar face. But, before that happens I must multiply. Someone get the water!

Ninja Beau Calling

Bitchet — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 20:41:00 +0000

Ninja Beau: Hi DAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

Aunt Bitchet: What???? Are you calling me Dad?

Ninja Beau: Shut.up.Tant Bidgie

Aunt Bitchet: That's it, I'm coming there to get your belly.

Ninja Beau: shrieking scream

Aunt Bitchet: What are you doin' Ninja Beau?

Ninja Beau: SHUT UP DAAAAAAAAAAAD

Aunt Bitchet: WHAT??? I'm not your Dad you silly boy.

Ninja Beau: SHUT UP!

This conversation has been repeated everyday for the past week. Except for today when Ninja Beau, after telling me to shut up thirteen times, asked me if I could come over. My evil heart melted and I started to cry. How I miss that Ninja Beau even though he always tells me to shut up!

Barbie and the Pooping Dog

Bitchet — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 15:38:00 +0000

Ummm?????

This is what some people are saying about this toy:

I bought it only because I couldn't believe someone could think up a toy like that.... The dog that eats its own feces... over and over again.... This toy should be called Barbie in The Dante's Hell of The Scatological Dog....

The dog eats "dog biscuits", then expels them through a hole below the tail. Then the dog "eats" the expelled dog biscuits again. What is this supposed to teach? That dogs eat their own excrement? This is gross.

Bitchet Gets Deep

Bitchet — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 10:48:00 +0000

I once knew a person who seemed to have it all together. She had a brick house with a koi pond and lush green grass, a great family consisting of a good looking business savvy husband and one son, everything in her life was organized by color, size, fabric and style. She drove a BMW and always had no less than $100 in cash with her at all times. She bought things without ever thinking how it would impact her bank account. If she wanted a new flat screen TV then she went out and bought it. If she wanted a designer pair of jeans, she thought nothing of it to go and purchase it for herself.

Being her friend was exhausting on many levels. I felt I had to clean my house so it sparkled any time she would come over because her house was always perfect. I got anxiety when she'd walk through my doors because she would say things to me about my house that *she* would change if she lived where I was living. She kept telling me that I need to buy certain things to make my house the way she thought it should be. After a while, I started to agree with her. Like I was being brainwashed, I started spending money I didn't have on things for a house I didn't feel needed any decorations.

It was like Pleasantville met the Jones' who NO ONE could keep up with because her life was full of excess. When I see children who are all dolled up somewhere and their hair is tied back neatly in bows and their clothes are all ironed and starched and their shoes have no scuff marks and the tiniest bit of food that falls on their clothing gets quickly erased with the Tide To Go pen I wonder if I am doing something wrong. Am I doing an injustice to my children because I send them out in public in hand-me-downs from their cousin!?

I came to the realization that she was just someone I couldn't be friends with because she made me feel a certain way about myself that I wasn't used to feeling when I was in the company of a friend. I haven't talked to her in a long time. She hasn't contacted me. I haven't contacted her. Our friendship was brief. It was one of those things where you become fast friends with someone yet all you know is what's on the surface. But, in time you see the real person and you realize it's not who you thought they were. I've had this happen one other time in my life with someone i felt very close to. She viciously stabbed me in the back and in a way stabbed my Marble's in the back as well. To this day she still wears a mask and I truly believe none of her friends know the magnitude of how bad I was let down when her true character was revealed.

The reason for this post is because we all have toxic people in our lives. We all have people who we deal with on a regular basis that make us feel a certain way about ourselves that we wouldn't let anyone else make us feel. But, for some reason we allow that particular Somebody to impact us in a negative way without retaliation. Well, I retaliated twice. Both times I was able to remove the toxin from my life. But just like an alcoholic whose liver might never recover after that have stopped from years of drinking, my openness to befriend people disintegrated right along with those toxic friendships. I guess I didn't really get rid of them, did I?

Psst...

Bitchet — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 17:39:00 +0000

Who here loves PostSecret???
Me!
Me!
Me!

I sat at Barnes and Noble one day with Sash and August and went through the entire book. But, are they really peoples secrets? Because, i'm likely to send in a "secret" that is just something no one has ever made a postcard about just so i could get it in the book or on the blog.

Like this secret for instance...soneone totally made that up because it's funny!

So, what's your secret?

Things That Were Said to Me Over the Weekend That Made Me Say

Bitchet — Mon, 16 Oct 2006 15:23:00 +0000

WHAT THE FUCK???????

* Do you think it's a turn off to girls if I tell them straight up that I've been an alcoholic since I was 13?

* Can you see my pubic hair through this outfit?

* You don't look like you're 30 because you have those blonde streaks in your hair.

* I was into punk bands when I was younger that people like you never even heard of....like The Suicide Machines!!! (JAVA'S will get this one!)

* If I was a deer and I got shot in the shoulder I wouldn't die because I could take my "hoofs" and pull the arrow out and it wouldn't even be near my heart.

* You need to make sure you bring your britches.

Product Plug of the Week

Bitchet — Sun, 15 Oct 2006 17:43:00 +0000

Is your summer tan slowly fading away? That's what happens when you don't live in the tropical climate of SW Florida. That is also what happens when there is Red Tide all over the beaches in the tropical climate of SW Florida and you refuse to be at the beach. So, then you purchase Dove Energy Glow Shimmering Lotion.

This lotion has a subtle self-tanner in it that brings out your skins natural tones while softening it at the same time. It smells great. It doesn't leave you looking orange. It just, somehow...someway... makes your legs and arms look like you have a sunkissed glow.

I love this lotion because I am still wearing shorts here but it's not the type of weather anymore to be in a bathing suit all day. So this lotion just enhances the tan I already have meaning I can still wear shorts, not be out in the sun and look like I have been. I know!! Can you believe the former goth girl who hid from the sun for years is plugging a self tanning body lotion???

Hot Off the Press

Bitchet — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 13:35:00 +0000

The other day Oprah had on Frank Rich who wrote the book The Greatest Story Ever Sold. I haven't read the book, but I did watch Oprah and she read the book so I feel as though I am pretty well informed as to what the book is about.

It basically talks about how the media wraps itself around news stories and sometimes gives people the news that they think the public WANTS to hear and not what is the truth.
I have to admit. I know more about what is going on in the lives of Paris Hilton and Travis Barker, Lindsey Lohan or Vince Vaughan than I do about what is still going on in Iraq. I used to care what was going on in Iraq but now every time I hear something about it, it depresses me. So, I opt to watch Nancy Grace instead and get information about the latest school shooting or missing child. To me, I have become jaded when it comes to news about the war, 9-11 or Katrina. I feel like I was misguided from the very beginning and now I change the channel if there is something on the TV about it. With the five year anniversary of 9-11 that just passed, I couldn't even watch the shows about the planes, the people, the deaths, the survivors.. all that stuff because I know what happened. I know what the planes did. I know tons of people died. Do we need to relive it every.single.year? Dateline. 20/20. Nightline. All those shows just ram down our throats all this shit that is going on.....If Dateline like has on To Catch A Predator, I'll watch it. If they have on some thing about how Saddam never had WMD then I change it.

The reviews The Greatest Story Ever Sold received are pretty good. Even people who don't agree with Frank Rich's view on things still have good things to say about the way the book was written. Am I going to buy the book and read it? No. But, I will make a conscious choice to pick up a Us Weekly instead of a Newsweek just so I can find out if Jennifer Aniston's boobs are real as opposed to hearing about ANOTHER US soldier dying. At least if I find of Jennifer Aniston didn't get a boob job it won't bum me out as much as hearing about another Dad who was killed by a roadside bomb and left behind a young wife and newborn child.

Mine......All Mine

Bitchet — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 15:21:00 +0000

Whenever I have food that is something special for me to indulge in the Marbles come to me like little birds waiting for a worm. Their mouths wide open saying, "ahhhhh" because they want some of the sinful goodness I have in my hands about to be placed in my mouth and stored on my thighs.
I love Subway cookies. Whenever I get subway, I get three cookies. The Marbles assume the three cookies are for them because I have 1-2-3 Marbles and there are 1-2-3 cookies... so someone has to eat them, right? But, they're not for them. All three are for me! Moi! Mine. All Mine! So what I have to do it sneak. I have to put the bag of cookies up on the counter where they can't see them and slowly reach in a break off a piece of cookie and shove it in my mouth so they don't see me. But I think they're on to my game. They ask me what I have in my mouth and I say nothing but I'm chewing. Hello? They're not retarded.
Or my Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches. When I just want to enjoy one while watching Project Runway the little buggers come up and pester me for a bite. After allowing three Marbles a bite of my ice cream, there's really nothing left for me to enjoy.
I remember being young and Wobega always had a glass of Diet Coke with ice in it setting on the counter. If I took a swig from it she'd sigh this heavy, deep frustrating sigh to let me know she didn't want me drinking her pop. Guess what? I do that too! I pour myself some Diet Coke and like vultures on road kill the Marbles are at the counter, frothing at the mouth for a sip!
Lets say I want a piece of gum. The Marbles might be in the back of the van yet with their bionic ears they can hear me rustling the paper and say, "Can I have some?" UGH! It's my Winterfresh gum.. get your own, damn it! I don't want to share!

Did You Have to Ask?

Bitchet — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 12:40:00 +0000

Ever since Pink and Blue Marble have been toddlers I get asked if they're twins. They're not. Nothing about them is similar except for the fact they share the same parents. Why is it then that people feel the need to ask me if they're twins? All the time... And really, what would it matter if they were. Would the person asking get some sort of prize or get to pick what was behind door #2?

Over the weekend, I attended a wedding with a friend. He has blazing blue eyes that are enhanced by blue contacts. A person on the staff of the facility where the wedding was held came up to my friend and said, "Wow. Your eyes are beautiful! Are they real?" No, they're prosthetic eyeballs, Buddy, that he just happens to pop in when he's going to a wedding so he can fuck with the people attending the event. In what situation is this ever acceptable to ask anyone if anything about them is real. "I love your hair color, is it real?" "Your wedding ring is so sparkly, is it real?" "Wow your boobs are so perky, are they real?" "Your teeth are so gnarly and crooked are they real or are they those fake teeth you get at the Halloween store?"

Pink Marble wears glasses. The other day at Publix the cashier says to her, "Your glasses look just like mine." Pink Marble smiled and the cashier proceeds to say, "I wish I didn't have to wear glasses, don't you?" Hey Lady thanks for giving my Marble a complex about wearing glasses you twat.