Not Martha Stewart

Excuse me while i dust off my knees and scrape the dirt from my fingernails... I have been away for a while because I heard the *in* thing to do was be outside pulling weeds... oh wait, that's just Wobega and August that do that...What I thought was my "Green Thumb" was really Gangrene and my thumb subsequently fell off. Which it's really no loss to me because the last thing one would ever find me doing is outside pulling weeds. The extent of my weed pulling is if I am walking to the mailbox and I happen to see one peeking up from the cracks in the side walk, I will bend over and pull it out and then just leave it on the driveway.

I don't know when it exactly started that I didn't like any sort of outdoorsy type of activity. Last weekend TGIM and I took the Marbles out on a boat to go fishing and the entire time leading up to that day I prayed for a hurricane so I didn't have to endure the boating/fishing experience. I don't enjoy being in the sun... sweating... getting a sunburn...while being bitten by mosquito's because TGIM thinks the only way to catch a fish is to pull the boat right into the mangrove trees where apparently every mosquito in the world lives. Seriously, who goes boating and ends up with mosquito bites????

I am not one for camping, hiking, bike riding, swimming or any activity that places me at one with nature. If I would walk from my house to my van in an air conditioned bubble I would because I hate sweating that much.

This lady I work with tells about how she spends her days off in her garden. This garden is like the pride and joy of her life. I don't get it. I hate having dirt on my hands and on the bottom of my feet. I hate bugs and the weird insects that live in dirt that appear when you get a weed by the roots. I am scowling just thinking about the idea of having to actually go outside and kneel on the grass and grab for a leafy thingamajig and yank it from the earth. Why not just leave it and call it a flower?